so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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