Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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