so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
