Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
