She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
