Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
