I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i think im in europe. pls send help
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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