The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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