I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
