He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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