id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
