after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
