I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
