The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
