I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
