A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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