so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
