I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
