just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
