THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am mentally ready for anal.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
