apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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