You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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