I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
