Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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