I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
