if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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