i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
