Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
