1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
tell me about the eggs
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
