We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
