Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
