I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
