I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
