note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I fill condoms, not promises.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
