I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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