You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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