Where is the hickey?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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