my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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