I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
