I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
