Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
