omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
