Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
