Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
