Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
