YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
