can u get pink eye on your cock?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
