My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
