Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
