Someone shit on the floor
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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