so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize