bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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