he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
